dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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