Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
