i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
