Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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