first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
