If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
