well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
