come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
