end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
