I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
