Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
