I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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