onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
my liver is dry heaving
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
