Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
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I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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