if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
