I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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