Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
