similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
