the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
