Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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