I was born with a shot glass in my hand
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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