guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
