Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
