I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
