unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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