return my video game
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
