The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
