Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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