woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
