I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
