he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
