Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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