i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
