You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
