Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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