I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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