vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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