I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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