Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
