I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
