I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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