i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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