I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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