cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
