Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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