Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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