I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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