i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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