it hurts more in the daytime
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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