Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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