i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
