____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
