He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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