Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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