i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
