I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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