We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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