All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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