jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
