K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
