Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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