What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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