He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
