insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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