i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
