I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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