dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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