Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
