meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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