belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
