I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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