No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
