so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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