Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
