i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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