your parents love me but you hate me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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