I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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